Healing Script part 1: Candle

Introduction:

This story took place in Syria, May 2007. It is a true story that, looking back, still amazes me. I expect this kind of healing to happen to others rather than myself.

Many people may find it difficult to accept my accounts of what happened, label them as unscientific and thus impossible. It definitely does not fit in the healing modality of western medicine. For others it will make sense.

I did see a western trained doctor for the fever I was experiencing before this story unfolded. His solution was to suppress the fever with medication, without investigating what the cause may be. I did not like that option and chose an alternative way, of being with the fevers and see what happens...

This story is about what happened when I checked in at an ancient monastery in the mountains of the Syrian desert, a place where I sought refuge from the heat, noise and pollution of Syrian cities.

What happened in this orthodox Syrian monastery was quite unorthodox. As a woman staying there said: "You never know what will happen here, people do not seem to be in control".
The story has been spread out over six individual posts, to aid a speedy uploading and downloading. Please read the six posts as one. Marcel.
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Healing Script part 1: Candle



I sat down in a dark corner at the back.
No one could see me, or my crappy mood.
Yet I, could see everybody.

It was supposed to be a silent meditation,
But people walked out, walked back in,
Rustled pages and talked,
Not whispered but talked!

It fueled my growing agitation,
Triggered earlier,
By someone questioning my reluctance to see a doctor,
And heal the persistent fevers with rest instead.
All I wanted was space and time,
As if I was home.

I’d hoped to gain inner peace,
But when the meditation was over I was so resentful,
So critical of everything and everyone around me…
…I became aware,
Sank deeper into the shadow,
To observe the battle in my mind.

Candles were lit for the mass that followed.
A monk disturbed those sitting in the aisles,
Herding them back to the central nave.
Thank God he let me be.
I was not in the mood to be an obedient sheep.

A well-meaning Soul placed a candle right in front of me.
"No!", I wanted to scream.
“I don’t want any light.
I want to bathe in shadow,
hide in darkness,
Feel sorry for myself,
Just be,
Be with my inner battle and raging fever".

But I remained mute.
I need not panic.
One candle was not bright enough to interfere with my darkness.