Letting go of Last Ashes

Stills from video:
Letting go of last ashes, Titahi Bay, New Zealand 13/8/06

Letting go of last ashes
Taken by wind
Given to the waves
Of what we loved together
Bubble, our dog
As we were
Without growth we could not be
We let go
To catch the wind
To ride the waves
Before love died
Before we died
Without rebirth
There is only death
Out of love
New life is born
Life is born!

Profile update and archive

Airborne over the Tasman Sea, Oceania.

The last two weeks I traveled in Australia to get some rest, sun and inspiration/cue's about what to do once I leave my home and head for Europe. It seemed that where ever I went I discovered synchronicities that provided important cue's about what to do next, either for immediate moments, such as where to travel or stay, or for the near future after leaving New Zealand early September. Quite an amazing humbling experience that was very encouraging. I feel I have literally and figuratively moved and shifted. I wanted to update my profile to reflect the subtle changes that have taken place.

UPDATED PROFILE VERSION 2,updated 9 August 2006:

Through this artist’s journal I invite you to come on a journey with me, an artist’s quest for wholeness. I wish it to be a pilgrimage of sorts in search of Self, guided by the dreams of my soul.

Art engages the power of imagination and inspiration, forces that precede the transformation of dreams into reality. My dream is to transform my life. Till now I have been doing well in leading a life of ‘doing’. I wish to transform my life of ‘doing’ into a life of ‘being’, of being well and wellbeing.

To make way for the new the old must die as without death, rebirth cannot take place. A life challenging illness or condition can signal the need for a rebirth as a means to avert a premature physical death. My body did just that three years ago.

Since then I have been gradually deconstructing my life, reducing stress, possessions, commitments and constructs that constrained my life, my health and my connection with Soul. Now that I have sold my house and completed work obligations I can leave familiar life and environment and set out on a transformational quest for wholeness, exploring new realms of being, through art. I will be documenting my explorations in soft pastel, video/sound and writing.

The video will include the story of an interesting rebirth of Swiss artist Teo Baba, which will be filmed in Europe and Asia. His life story, which I came across in 2001, was the first signpost directing me towards my journey. I have been awarded an artist-in-residency in Sturovo, Slovakia (October 06-April 07) to work on this video.

But first I will begin with a pilgrimage and walk El Camino de Santiago de Compostella, (St. James’ Way) in Northern Spain. This 800 km (500 mile) walk will take about 30 days, time I feel I need to slow down, reflect and begin to adjust to the way of being I am aspiring to.

I will be posting text and images regularly. Your presence as a witness will be much appreciated. I welcome comments of any kind. I hope you will find this blog of interest. Marcel Baaijens

Unless specified otherwise, all images and text are by Marcel Baaijens.


I am in the process of making major changes to my life as I created it. Re-incarnation without the need for physically dying. Hoping to change habits, edit old 'scripts', seeing life in a different light. Exploring the soul I am rather than the ego I developed. Evaluating what is essential and what I no longer need for the next stage of my life.

I am going on a journey, literally traveling a lot, but more importantly I intend it to be an inner spiritual journey, a pilgrimage of sorts.

I will be documenting this journey here on this site and on video. Making video will be an important aspect of the journey. It is not just a documentation tool, but it will serve as a meditative, contemplative, spiritual practice. A practice of observing, 'being with' the subject matter, being still. I will also be working on a video project for which I need to travel to certain locations around the world. I have been awarded an artist-in-residency in Sturovo-Estergom, on the Slovak-Hungarian border (October 06-April 07) to work on this project.

I hope you will find this blog of interest, Marcel Baaijens

New Bridge, off the Beaten Track

Image:Magnetic Island, Queensland, Australia
Broken bridge forcing halt
Demanding stubborn ego surrender
Quietly asking soul direction
Brain doing overtime
Could not hear
Could not see
Will I ever know
How to exit the road to Athens

Daylight dream shedding light
Stirring emotions from unknown depth
Loudly sobbing soul direction
Brain slowing down
To see
To hear
To forever know
What was wished for all along

A new crossing found
The creek was dry

Test of Flow, Queensland, Australia

Image:Mongrove, Mission Beach, Queensland, Australia

Edgy, restless, agitated
Did nice things, no satisfaction
Ate nice things, no satisfaction
Ego at a loss
What about soul?
Breathe in
Breathe out
I remembered
Doing nothing in the sun
Music in my ear
In minor, on repeat, ‘by accident’
Like a day dream
Metaphors flashed
Three stained glass windows in the distance
After a long pilgrimage
The beauty of a sacred destination
Triggering sobs
Sobbed some more
Surrendered I suppose
Releasing emotions from unknown depths and times
Relieved to let go
Drifting along
A little lighter

Bones Survive, Pilgrimage in Search of Self 2

Image: Looking out the window from the plane into the dark night.

Procrustean dismemberment* of self

I was little
Yet I knew
In my bones

A ‘What do you want to be when you grow up?’
Confused me utterly
Into silence

Don’t they know?
Can’t they see?
Can’t they tell?

Must I choose?
I bit the bullet, I was a ‘good’ little boy!


* See comment 1

Mirror, mirror on the wall? Pilgrimage in Search of Self 1

Image: Two young trees protected by plastic covers glowing in the sunset, en-route between Launceston and Tullah, Tasmania.

I followed
I followed a fellow
I followed a fellow traveler’s path

I had to change direction
I had to change
I had to

Along the Road to Athens, Melbourne, Australia

Image: Point of departure.

Molding grid
Moving people squarly

Towering buildings dwarfing people
Traffic masking natural sounds humans make
Trash tossed like signatures of ego

Hippest fashion
Hottest fast food
Highest people

Seven-Eleven, McDonalds, Target
Souls forsaken
Searching among the lost

What country?
Which identity?

Procrustean dismemberment*

Down under
Did I land
Did I?