But how does one move on...?

Video still: Exterior House of Terror, Budapest

After writing this week’s log for the
bridgeguard7 blog I decided to repeat and expand here, as there was more to write that belongs on this blog.

Video still: Railway tunnel Hungary.

I dropped off my friend Henriette from The Netherlands at the airport in Budapest and intended to spend the rest of the day filming there. I passed by accident the House of Terror Museum at 60 Andrassy Boulevard, the address where during Nazi and communist times people were interrogated and tortured. I have seen medieval torture rooms and experienced their presentation as odd. Torture implements were displayed as curiosa, the essence of what the tools represented was absent as if such practices belonged to that era only and were no longer relevant. Photos of victims with fresh candles burning below on the facade of The House of Terror Museum caught my attention and signaled a different kind of museum.

Video still: Railway tunnel Hungary.

I had planned to visit Auschwitz in Poland prior to attending Carnival celebrations in The Netherlands, hoping that a good party would dust away any Auschwitz blues. As I was making bookings, a detour via Auschwitz did not eventuate in the schedule. How odd I thought, maybe I am not ready yet. I want to visit Auschwitz to process ‘stuff’; images and emotions that come back again and again that may be relate to a past life experience. They seem to be relevant to this lifetime as well, as if carried over from one life to the next, karma still requiring healing.

Video still: Railway tunnel Hungary.

If that is all a load of rubbish and just wishful thinking of my ego, then that image still sits in my emotional baggage and is maybe just a metaphor relevant to this life. Whatever it is, I would like to explore and let go. Being so ‘close’ to the place where the imagery comes from I am curious to see what may happen when I visit the site.

Video still: Railway tunnel Hungary.

I had no idea though how to recover from possible depressive experience. Finding myself in front of the House of Terror by ‘accident’ seemed an opportunity to find out on a smaller scale. During a recent conversation with a friend, whose life is not all that wonderful, you know; horrible job, tons of stress etc., I could see how she was only focussed on the negative aspects of her life. I encouraged her to try to take notice of one positive or beautiful thing each day as a tool to shift focus. I was wondering if that technique would work after visiting Auschwitz and the House of Terror. So…

Video still: Railway tunnel Hungary.

I went inside (no camera’s allowed so no images here). I said a protective prayer, just in case lost souls might be looking for an opportunity to attach them selves to me, a nasty experience that I do not want to repeat. Very impressed but not overwhelmed I left the Museum and carried walking along the boulevard. I looked at this street differently now, knowing what took place, yet the sun was shining, it was a cold but beautiful winter’s day. I took my camera and started observing through the lens, looking for beauty. It definitely helped me shift my focus. It did not change the past nor my memory of the visit, but it did not dominate the here-and-now and I saw that life went on, but is that enough?

Video still: Railway tunnel Hungary.

I often wondered while watching footage of people celebrating the end of WWII, how they could party knowing that so many did not make it, knowing that there were so many wounds to heal. How does one carry on with life after experiencing so much devastation of Soul? That question intrigues me most of all and will be the focus of my visit to Auschwitz.

Video still: Exit of ailway tunnel Hungary.

What can one do with the anger and resentment towards the perpetrators? Buddhist and related spiritual philosophies hold the answer I think. Understanding and acceptance of karmic relationships and forgiveness concepts is key to overcoming such emotions.

Video still: Old man busking in freezing conditions in Budapest

I gained experience in dealing with festering resentment while walking El Camino. Yet I wonder if anyone (including me) is ever capable of forgiving people who committed the worst thinkable Soul destroying crimes. In one video in the House of Terror a crying victim poses the question: "...but one has to forgive somehow, no?"

Video still: Old man busking in freezing conditions in Budapest

He was grieving, maybe still angry, maybe the wrong time to consider forgiveness, but when is the right time? His question reveals he has the wisdom/awareness of the answer, but he ends with a ‘no’, as if he is not ready yet. Which part of him is not ready, his ego or Soul? Eckhart Tolle in his book ‘A new Earth’ has some interesting thoughts on ego, pain and their relationship.

Video still: Andrassy Boulevard, Budapest.

While living in Chicago an older Bosnian evacuee came up to me in the park one day. Out of the blue and with no English she began to mime vividly how her family was massacred. I was stunned and did not know what to say or mime back. All theories seemed inadequate at that moment. How does one move on when one is not called Mandela, Gandhi or Dalai Lama?

That is a tough question to which I would like to find (and film) an answer.

Video still: End of Andrassy Boulevard, Budapest.