Marcel Baaijens

One day I was in bad shape, emotionally and physically. I was on holiday in Noosa, Australia a town I did not know. I barely managed to walk into town. I needed help. I had no idea what to look for. There were many alternative healing places around, but how to choose? The state I was in was stressful, making important choices such as these difficult. A massage sounded good as it could relieve some of the tension in my twisted back, but I needed a good massage, not just a bit of pampering. I was clear on that but I still had no idea how to find the right therapist.

So I had to surrender, ahhhhh that old challenge of surrender popping up again.

I asked for ‘help’: please guide me to the right place and person. I did’t know who I was asking, myself, God, saints, spirit guides, guardian angels, I did not care, anyone will do, please, now!

I allowed myself to drift through the street with therapy centres left and right. Looking at the information signs outside their doors was of little assistancence. I (ego me?) could not make a rational decision, I was in too much pain for that part of me to function.

Waiting, waiting, waiting, come on anyone, this is agony, please help!

O.K. this one. A choice was made, not sure if it was the right one. Would I (ego me?) recognise the answer to my cry for help when presented with one? A therapist was on site and available, bingo! But... I had sort of hoped for a male therapist. I (ego me?) felt desperate for some male nurturing. I was in too much discomfort to let ego get in the way that day. So I surrendered, yet again, right, no more doubting, on the table of Kylie Boshammer.

Shortly after the start of the session Kylie sensed ‘stuff going on' and decided to share her observations with me. Tears rolled, I did not have to say or explain anything, she said it all. The power of witnessing and acknowledgement were at work, what a blessing. For the time being I could let go of the need to ‘hang on’ to all my pain. I had to take it all back on board of course after the session, but I was given a glimse of life without all that pain. At the end of the session she offered me a reading using Crystal Ally Cards (see also 'Moon Time' post). The message was of profound spiritual nature, just what I needed in this moment of utter turmoil. My body was in crisis, my relationship was in crisis, I was grieving my mother's passing, it seemed my whole life was in crisis. Life wasn't sweet. It was high time to change, but how, and where does one begin?

The holiday in Noosa was the beginning of the end of the relationship with my long time partner. I was very confused about the thought of separation as I believed I had found my soulmate. We battled long and hard to be together, overcoming serious discrimination as an international same-sex couple for six years. I believed that there is only one soulmate in one’s lifetime, how on earth could I contemplate separating from this man. Not much later, after the holiday, he helped me out by popping the question/statement, “perhaps we should separate”, and so we did.

I was very unwell at the time. While shopping for a set of the Crystal Ally cards in a Noosa book store a book jumped out at me: 'hypoglacemia'. A self-diagnosis was made of the condition that western medicine has no cure for. The day that book jumped out was the beginning of a long healing process that soon will be further documented on a separate blog. That healing process is very much part of the journey I embarked on in 2001.

Echhart Tolle talks in his book ‘A New Earth’ about ego and recognises that not just individuals but also groups of people have egos, even nations. I can now see how our relationship had its own ego, an ego that did not serve me anymore, and I can only guess, but it probably did no longer serve either of us. I am grateful that we set each other free, without struggle really, still able to be supportive of each other today.

That was a good holiday in Noosa!