Rebuilding on Shaky Grounds

For a long time
The ground shook
Left unsupported
I left
Exhausted
Searching
For health
For Home
For Me

18 months
Following Teo
Following desire
Following cues
To heal
To discover
To film
To be me

I changed
Didn’t I
I did
Found Home within
With new exterior home to match in the forest

But the shaking began again
Dislodging the mortar between the bricks
Of my foundation
Nobody saw
Nobody felt
But me
Imbalance
Invisible to others

So I am leaving again
After 9 months in Australia
Maybe it’s time to give birth or be reborn
No
Not off to exotic places
Off to Home
The place I called home before I left
The place
When revisiting
Felt like home again
Stirring a longing
To be warm

Shaking within is the worst
Throwing everything out of kilter
Sugar levels
Moods
Temperature control
Energy
Concentration
Immune system
Spine
To name a few if not all
Symptoms of hypoglycemia

So
I am leaving the new home I found
Making me wonder
If the journey will ever end
Nothing is permanent
I remind myself

I am going Home
Home without a house
But with space for a house
A house that needs building
On a steep hill
On a fault line
Back to where I started
New Zealand

Rebuilding a life that fell apart
No turning the other way
Head on
Building a sustainable house
A sustainable future
To sustain shaky health
In shaky times
On shaky ground

Maybe part II to part I
The sequel: rebuilding on shaky ground